i'm kind of a big deal. . .

Wow. I don't like to pat myself on the back, but last week, I recall saying the following: "You’re hearing it here first, STATE will lose to ECU next week." Wow. How prophetic.

Oh, by the way, Amato is out.

More to come, but i must do my happy dance for at least an hour.

Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving!

I find myself wondering something: were you able to search the text of every blog posted today, how many times would you find the word Turkey? I;m guessing in just about every one of them. So, I’ll make the obligatory mention and say I’ve had my fill, but man. . .turkey is so good. Why do we only cook it once a year?

The real reason for my post has little or nothing to do with the fact that today is Thanksgiving (except only for the fact that tomorrow is Black Friday).

Ahhh, Black Friday (why does everything have to be a black thing?? And why is it that we only have White Sales on Martin Luther King Day). I hate Black Friday. I hate it because the deals are too spectacular to pass up, but you can’t be at every store during the 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. time frame they give you. Brand new DVD’s for under $5 (new releases), lap-top computers for $299, televisions too big for any room in a normal house for under $1,000, hard drives, flash memory, video cameras, video games, CD’s . . . and on, and on, and on, and on.

My problem is this: THE REBATE. I hate the rebate. I loathe the rebate. If you want me to be able to have brand “x” printer for $50, don’t make me pay $150 and send 1,000 pieces of paper to everyone except the pope to get 4 checks back in the amount of $25 each. I don’t want to do my banking with your store. If I wanted to do my banking with your store, I would have a credit card with you. Otherwise, I want to hand you the money you want for a specific good, and I want the good. I don’t want to haggle with your “people” to get my “over-payment” back.

Somewhere, there is a magic number, and I would love to know what that magic number is. What I mean is that a store expects a certain percentage of the purchasing population to never fill out the rebates (or. . .GOD forbid, fill them out incorrectly). So, in order to offer you the ultimate low price of $50 for the printer, a certain number of people are expected to “over-pay” to the tune of $150 total for the printer. While there are loss leaders, the company still expects to come out “on-top” by selling you a printer for $50. Statistical gurus and actuaries most likely sit around and crunch numbers for weeks determining how much they can sell their printers for and how much they can give back and how much they won’t have to give back, all over the actual cost of the printer. It’s mind boggling, but somewhere, someone has turned it into a very simple equation, and for the life of me, I hate that person.

Alas, I have to wake up early tomorrow to go get in line to get rebate paperwork.Ω

Ahhhh. . .guilty musicial pleasures

“He pulled me close and said, ‘they all stopped and stared, as I walked down the street all alone, nobody knew my name. Nobody knew my name.’”

Today seems to be the day to reminisce. I wrote a letter to a dear friend of mine today in which I talked about the things from my past that I’m unfairly holding on to, and the things from my past that I suppose I need to grasp a little tighter.

I’m not extremely good at letting things go, and even letting things in a conversation drop, so I’m not exactly sure how to let things in my past go. I’m sure I could accept (and even give) the overly cliché answer of “Give it God.” But I swear, the next person that says that to me is getting punched in the teeth. Please don’t test me on this, I don’t want to have to punch any of you in the mouth.

My LIFE is God’s (and I’m not referring to some nameless, faceless entity, I’m talking about 1/3 of the Holy Trinity baby). The good and the bad and the ugly, I give it all to Him. That includes my present, my past, and God willing, my future. It’s all His.

How can I lay claim to anything in my life?
How can I give myself power over a situation?
How can I do anything apart from Him?
I can’t.

I’ve had a frustrating week. Can you tell?

*****I’m truly sorry for not blogging at all this week. I’m one lazy frack. I mean, I’m not going to come up with some BS excuse about being uber busy, because I could have video blogged at the very least right? Well, I didn’t, and I am truly sorry. I just looked at the counter, and there have been over one hundred and twenty hits this week. It’s completely inexcusable for me not to honor your willingness to check this thing with my unwillingness to post. My original thoughts were to post 3x a week, and I will do my very bestest to get back to that this week.******

Carolina beat NC State in football this weekend. Normally, I wouldn’t care to mention that. I am a UNC fan, and in this town I catch a lot of crap for that. In the past week, I’ve been hearing all about how I shouldn’t get my hopes up for the game this weekend because UNC was going to get crushed, and next week all I would talk about is the impending basketball season because that’s, “all UNC is good at anyway.” Now, granted, UNC has historically one of the best basketball programs in Division I history, but to say that’s “all they are good at” is infantile. How can you negate lacrosse, women’s soccer, men’s soccer, baseball, swimming, gymnastics, and beer pong??? Seriously though, State fans love to bash Carolina fans because we “talk so much crap” but I rarely say anything about my team (unless it’s to defend them AGAIN from one of Kidd’s pie charts about the Big East’s dominance). Lately however, I have heard a TON from State fans about how dominant their football team is. After a State win, there are those little NC State window flags EVERYWHERE. . .when they lose, you can’t find one in the State bookstore. So, for all you State fans, let me please post a few UNDENYABLE facts: A) since beating Florida State (at home), your beloved Wolfpack has lost to: Wake Forest, Maryland, Virginia, Georgia Tech, Clemson, and North Carolina. About the only teams you HAVEN’T lost to in the ACC are the ones you haven’t played. B) your record is 3-8 while Carolina is 2-9 (maybe next year we can play App. State too. . .) C) you are dead last in the Atlantic Division--that puts you on even footing with DUKE in the coastal division, D) you haven’t won a football game since the Republicans controlled both the house and the senate and E) at the end of the day, you still lost to Carolina.

So, do any State fans want to talk about football? I don’t. I can accept the fact that Carolina is horrible. We had a lousy year. We fired our coach. We’re fixing our problems. I'll keep wearing my UNC hat, and you people can keep calling it "unfortunate" and UNC can keep right on winning.

You’re hearing it here first, STATE will lose to ECU next week. Of course, UNC will also lose to Duke.

Whew, I feel better. Why is it talking about a UNC win against State in FOOTBALL makes me feel just a little bit better? I would imagine a Pitt win against WVU has the same affect on Kidd. Who am I kidding, Kidd takes pride in a Pitt win against a DIV blind and deaf program.

Well, more to follow, but I must retire to my sleeping quarters.

Please continue to write me comments and send me e-mails directly, I love hearing from you guys. Truly. I will get better about writing back.Ω
__________
“I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that builds steps.”
~Andy Bernard
The Office

Video Blog #2

wow. . .i made it to number two. i'm kind of a big deal. i have many leatherbound books. . .

miss you guys.

let me know what you think of the video blogging. should i keep doing it?

video blog--Trial Run

political rambeling. . . i'm sorry in advance

*****I am not trying to start a political discussion with this blog, and comments will (most likely) not be approved. I’m not trying to anger anyone, though I’m sure I will. I am simply blogging my feelings at the moment, and I am attempting to sort out what I’ve been thinking about. As always, this will be one completed in one sitting. . .I’m not trying to write a paper, so if I am incoherent at times, well, that’s how my mind works.*****

What’s the purpose of a war? Maybe there’s a better question here: How do you win a war?

Contrary to the talking heads floating around here on my television lately, I don’t think the way to win a war is to go in, occupy, offer democracy, give democracy, and withdraw all the troops from the area never to be seen again except in crisis. I don’t think that is much of a “win.” What have we proven? What has been proven to us?

I’m not a big fan of war. I don’t know that anyone is. I can’t sit at home and think that even those in the military actually like war. Nobody does. War is however, a necessary evil. You can’t argue that it isn’t. Nobody can. Diplomacy only works when everyone at the table is diplomatic. Want proof? Look at North Korea right now. . .yeah. . .diplomacy is great. We should always use diplomacy. . .we should have used diplomacy with Hitler.

Okay, sarcasm aside, diplomacy doesn’t work. Nations will use diplomacy as a stall tactic in order to gain more time so they can position their ground troops in an appropriate manor.

That being said, war is a reality. The war in Iraq is a reality we all have to come to grips with. I don’t care why we’re there. The point is we are. I feel lied to. I’m a staunch republican and I’m tired of hearing the phrase “weapons of mass destruction.” I think Bush should just say, “Hey, they weren’t there. . .we thought they were, but they weren’t. Oh well, Hussein had to go. We did that much.”

We have gone into a land that isn’t “ours.” We have given people democracy (although some may argue it was thrust upon the people of Iraq). Unfortunately, the “war” isn’t over. There are still suicide bombings, still RPG attacks, still troops dying. This all leads me back to my original question: How do you win a war? We obviously have superior technology, planning, weaponry, training, etc. Why haven’t we won?

We will not win in Iraq until we defeat the will of those who oppose democracy. The opposition will win when they have defeated out will to fight. The frightening thing is, they damn near have.

Since day one, the democrats have opposed this war. No sweat, demmies and repubbies disagree all the time. As time has progressed though, the democrats have taken their opposition to this war to the next level. They have outright condemned our country’s involvement in this war and have daily said we should be gone from Iraq. Our nation’s senators and congressmen (most of them on the left hand side of the isle) have told our country time and time again that we shouldn’t be in this war, in this territory, and we are spilling the blood of innocent people because we are there.

How is this productive to our troops on the ground? How does this help them? How does this encourage them? How does this tell our troops that we support them? It doesn’t. It destroys their will to fight.

Let me take this argument out of this context for a moment. Suppose the owner of your corporation came to you and said, “I need you to work on this project for me. It’s vital to the future of this company, and we don’t have anyone else to do this. I know you can do it, I’m behind you.” You leave his office and you start to work diligently on the project. Several days into the project your bosses notice your hard work and commend you for it. Your co-workers who were unable to complete the project themselves are excited about the project and are learning how to do these types of projects for themselves in the future. Suddenly, you overhear one of your superiors saying, “I can’t believe this project they’re having my employee do. It’s useless, futile, there is no future in this project, and all it is doing is giving our company a bad name.” You are dejected, but you press on. . .after all, the owner himself told you of the importance of this project. Weeks later, several more folks at the managerial level are starting to complain about the efficacy of your project. Your co-workers are all behind you, as is the owner, and numerous members of management, but so many people are saying your project is useless. Would you really have the will to get up in the morning, go to your office, and work on your project? I wouldn’t. People leave jobs all the time over this kind of thing. Thank God our troops can’t leave their jobs.

Why should we expect anything different from our troops? Why should we expect them to have the will to fight when people in our country. . .anyone comes out to say how wrong this war is?

I’m sorry, but who’s will are we trying to break? The insurgents or our troops? Whether one agrees with the war or not, whether you want the troops home or not, the fact of the matter is, as long as the insurgents have the will to fight, we have not won any war, and we won’t as long as we are stripping our troops of their will. Buck up, support our troops, or just continue voting for democrats who will continue to tear our efforts and our troops to shreds. Hear it here first. . .next major election we vote the democrats out because of their inability to run this country and “change” the things “we” put them in office to change.

I’m off my political soapbox now. . .forgive me if I offend, that was not my intent.Ω

foulness

I am in the foulest of moods. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I'm just foul right now.

I know you've had days like this. Everything seemed ok for most of the day. I registered my car in the state of NC, I sent several vital e-mails and made some phone calls that needed to be made, I changed the strings on and cleaned 3 guitars (doesn't sound like much. . .but it is), and I went to a church meeting this evening. All was well.

I've been sitting in my room for a few hours, and I've been watching football and American Chopper, and I've become foul.

An hour or so ago, I was overcome with the urge to pray, and I did. I suppose it is significant to mention that for the simple reason that I am rarely overcome with the urge to pray. I have often found myself very skeptical of those who say they were "overcome with the urge to pray." I guess I have become one of those people. . .good.

In the last few minutes (maybe 20 or so) I have really become foul. I can't figure out why. Do I want to be foul? I'm not entirely sure I can honestly answer that.

Any suggestions?

_________

"If you want to live to your next birthday, you'll learn to fry my eggs better."
~Jesco White

GOB

Did you know that Gob Bluth is actually George Oscar Bluth, and Buster’s real name is Byron. That pretty much blows me away. They have real names?? What the hell? If you don’t know who I’m talking about, climb out from under your rock and check out Arrested Development immediately.

So I hung out tonight with a bunch of folks from the church, all my age. I had a blast. We all watched Nacho Libre and Dumb and Dumber. These folks are a lot more fun than I think I originally wanted to give them credit for. I’m so awful about that. I love to sell people short. It is so much easier that way. Didn’t I blog about that earlier? Anyway. . .

How does one go about writing a book? Do you think that people map the whole thing out, and write it against an outline? Do you suppose writers let their characters develop. . .let them take lives of their own? I want to write a book. I have no idea what I would write it about. Any suggestions?

________

“This is the sound a doggy makes.”
(sound of a buzzer)
“Yes, Sean Connery?”
“Moo”
“No”
“Well that’s the sound your mother made last night.”
~SNL Celebrity Jeopardy
(This one was for Dan. . .i think this whole post actually)

“Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself.”

I can hear a song, or an entire collection by a particular artist, and be reminded of nothing. The music can carry with it no recollection of anything in particular. It can not take me back to a specific day or time or place. It can be little more than a song, some words, a beautiful melody, and it can float around me, above me, in me, and be simply: a song.

Then, there is the other end of the spectrum. There are songs, opening riffs, hooks, lines, and simply lead voices that take me to a “place.” They take me to a time. They remind me of a person. They (both the song, and in this case the person) have become a part of me.

“So I ran faster
but it caught me here”

In 1993, I was sixteen, driving my first car, and really discovering music. The first thing every sixteen year old does when you put him or her behind the wheel of a car is crank up the radio, and I was no different. I had a tape player in my ’86 Civic, and I made mix tapes, and converted cd’s to tapes on a daily basis. I loved listening to my music. I ended up putting a CD player in my trunk (Alpine to be exact), and I blasted every where I went.

Schoolkids Records on Kildare Farm Road was the local “indie” music shop, and a place where I “hung out” almost as much as I shopped. There were always interesting sounds floating from the suspended speakers in that shop, and if I didn’t own the music I heard, it wasn’t long before it became a fixture in my collection. I heard so many artists there for the first time: 311, Weezer, Live, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Barenaked Ladies, Fugazi, Ani Difranco, Dave Matthews, Green Day, Helmet, Mark Curry, Nine Inch Nails, Paul Westerberg, Radiohead, Rage Against the Machine, The Samples, Soul Asylum, Belly, Ben Harper, The Breeders, Counting Crows (“August and Everything After” was released in 1993), Cracker, The Cranberries, Edwin McCain, Morphine, Primus, Smashing Pumpkins, Tool, Beck, Bush, Frente!, Liz Phair, The Kostars, Luscious Jackson, Veruca Salt, and Tori Amos.

“this is not really this a this a this is not
really happening
you bet your life it is”

Stella worked at Schoolkids. Stella was in very large part, responsible for my musical education. Stella was an “alternative girl” before it was cool to be one. One of her best friends (and co-worker at the time) was Penny, and the two of them taught me about Pumas, Adidas jackets, corduroy pants, fitted hats. . .basically wearing what you like to wear irrespective of whether or not it is “cool” or what everyone else is wearing. As I write this, I’m realizing that Stella’s whole approach to life (at least in the “social” and “hip” sense. . .I would later learn what her life really centered on) was about Stella. She listened to music that she liked, and it was good music! She didn’t listen to a song because a radio station played it, or simply because her friends said it was good, she listened to what she wanted to. . .and she dressed the way she wanted to. . . In a time where so much of your social acceptance is dependant upon you “fitting-in,” Stella bucked the system. Maybe that’s why we became such close friends. I suppose, looking back, Stella was my first example of independence.

So much of high-school at Apex was the artificial caste system implemented and monitored by the sons and daughters of privilege. For the most part, you fit into one of three categories or your “social” opportunities were nil to none. Those three groups were: Rich, Red-Neck, and Black. Even within the “rich” folks, you could be accepted if you dressed like, talked like, thought like, or drank like you were “supposed to.” In a sense, you could be drafted into the upper echelon of Apex by a head nod from one of the “privileged.” It was very cut and dry there. You either fit in or you didn’t. I didn’t. I don’t want to speak for Stella, but I would imagine she didn’t fit in either. She most likely preferred it that way.

“Excuse me but can I be you for awhile. . .
I hear my voice and it's been here
Silent all these years”

Schoolkids was a local ticket distributor (back in the day when there was more than just Ticketmaster). The employees had a nice little scheme devised for concerts: They would give a friend the first lottery ticket and the next day when they drew numbers with their friend in the front of the line and first choice of tickets, everyone in the shop suddenly, surprisingly, somehow got great seats to EVERY SHOW. . .huh imagine that. I was often times in on the plan. The amazing thing seemed to be that the first guy or gal in line (behind the “friend) always got great seats too and nobody was any wiser, nor did anyone care. I saw tons of bands up close (I’ll spare you the list here).

In 1994, Tori Amos and I were close enough to kiss. Stella came through in the clutch and got me seats almost on her piano bench in Raleigh’s Memorial Auditorium. To this day, I can not hear Tori Amos without thoughts of “Stella Paige” rushing back to me. I can see us walking to and from classes together. I can see her corduroys sagging off her hips and frayed around her black pumas. I can see her waiting behind the counter of Schoolkids for a customer to leave so we could “tool” on their purchases. I can hear “NICE” and “THAANKS” like she’s sitting beside me.

In 1995 we graduated from Apex. In the age before cell phones and e-mail (it’s hard for me to believe we have become so dependant on them in the last 11 years) it was easy to lose touch with someone, and Stella and I did just that. Many of you have heard me say time and time again that there are less than a half dozen people I went to high-school with that I ever care to talk to again. Stella is number one on that list. I don’t guess it’s any prize to be on my “want to hear from/talk to” list, but for now, I’ll pretend it is. . .

Recently, we’ve been re-connected (through MySpace believe it or not). We have yet to catch one another on the phone, but I know it’s coming soon. Stella is still as beautiful as I remember, and as independent as ever (you can really see it in her pictures).

“All the world is
All I am
The black of the blackest ocean
and that tear in your hand
All the world is danglin' danglin' danglin' for me darlin'
You don't know the power that you have with that
tear in your hand
that tear in your hand”

Stella set so many wonderful examples that I wish I had picked up on earlier. I wish back in high school I understood her the way I understand her now. My own personal growth would have been so different. The lessons I could have seen from her life would have done me well at age 16 (hell, they’re doing me well at almost 30. . .). At some point, I hope to tell Stella what an impact she made on my life. At some point I hope to sincerely thank her for just being her. Stella lives in California now and is only “home” for (as she puts it) “a hot-minute” around holidays. I hope this Christmas affords me the opportunity to enjoy a cup of coffee, or coke, or barley water, or well seasoned grapes with my long lost friend Stella. It is truly amazing to me the impact someone can have on your life in the the 10 years they have been out of it.

“They say Confucius does his crossword with a pen
I'm still the angel to the girl who hates to sin”

I’ve been listening to Tori Amos the entire time I’ve been writing this blog. I suppose I’m overly sentimental because of the effect this music has on me. I would imagine the blog would have been much shorter were my iPod out of service. . .but unfortunately for you all, that just wasn’t the case.

Cherish those around you. You never know the impact they will eternally have on you. Treat them as gifts, for they are. Ω

_____

“I’m pretty sure that if they took porn off the internet there would only be 2 sites left and one of them would be ‘bringbacktheporn.com.’”
~Dr. Cox
Scrubs

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Brilliant simply isn’t strong enough.

The most offensive film I’ve ever seen isn’t “strong enough” either.

Absolutely hilarious.

If you are easily offended, don’t go see this movie. Please heed my warning. . .it is by far the most offensive film I’ve ever seen. Also understand, I laughed so hard I’m still sore. My muscles actually ache from the amount of laughing I did during this movie. Honestly. I don’t recall a film where I have laughed out loud to the point of being afraid to take a drink of my delicious (yet overpriced) tasty beverage for fear of spewing it on the patron in front of me. . .this is that film.

I can’t even begin to describe this film to you. I don’t even know where to begin. The film starts as a journey by Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baren Cohen) from his native Kazakhstan to the USA to make a documentary for his country about the American “culture” starting in New York city. What develops is a journey across the United States to find Pamela Anderson. From New York, through Georgia, Alabama, Texas, to California, inside homes, classrooms, bed and breakfasts, antique stores, MLK boulevard (after midnight), and a “frat-boy” camper, Borat encounters Americans and documents every interaction.

No cultural, racial, economic, or medically misfortunate group is left out. . .everyone is equally offended. I think that’s what makes it truly funny. No punches are pulled as everyone is battered (and at some moments simultaneously). I suppose it’s easy to laugh at everyone when you know you’re getting laughed at too.

I give this film 5 out of 5 stars. . .easily.Ω

______

“Tobie is in HR which techinically means he works for corporate so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.”
~The Office

So much to blog about, and my ADD is kicking in with a vengeance, so I apologize in advance for the randomness and sudden “left turns” that are inevitable in this post.

Firstly, I’m blessed to think that in just over a few weeks you guys have visited this page over 200 times now. I’m blown away that you care enough about what I have to say to read this. Also, I’m really glad that you are posting comments and in many cases, e-mailing comments to me directly. I am glad for the accountability. I miss you folks.

I guess what really prompted me to post tonight was the episode of “Lost” which I endured. I try not to get too bent out of shape at T.V. Honestly. . .I stress “try.” I swear that this show is going to drive me truly insane. It’s past the point of driving me to drink, and past the point of driving me to want to beat up babies (thank GOD I don’t watch Lost in a maternity ward).

What really sent me over the edge this evening was the addition of 2 new characters. “New” isn’t the best word, because I can actually believe there are people in the crash with whom we haven’t been properly introduced (with 60+ people on the plane when it crashed, and for the most part, we’ve only really seen story lines on a dozen of them). The two characters in question are a male (young, virile, strong) and a female (she had great personality. . .two of them. . .and they were under-dressed for her entire involvement in the episode. . .and while that pissed me off, it didn’t anger me nearly as much as what I really want to talk about).

The new man. I don’t buy it. I can’t buy the fact that this guy exists. Throughout the first two seasons, every time there has been a major project, we have seen “the cream of the crop,” the best and strongest the survivors had to offer. We have seen the men building, hunting, heavy lifting, etc., and we have seen the women doing laundry, farming, cooking (I’m not being a male chauvinist it’s the show. . .not me). So suddenly, I’m expected to believe that this guy has been there the whole time, and we are just seeing him today? We didn’t see him before today. . .what gives?

I tell you what gives: we needed new sexy people. We can’t have the camera on all the sexy people at the same time (because most of them are in captivity together). Let’s face it, SEX SELLS!!!!!!!!

Why? Why does sex sell so well? Where have we gone as a society that the plot doesn’t sell anymore? We have entire shows devoted to sex and innuendo (Sex in the City, Desperate Housewives, The Jim Bakker Hour of Power. . . ). I don’t know why a guy without a shirt or a woman who is half dressed sells so well. I don’t get it. Can someone help me?

I’ve been in a foul mood all day today, and this is all most likely a run-off from my horrible day. Thanks for putting up with my crap again. I’ll talk to you soon. Ω

________

“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad”
~Tears for Fears

“Do you remember on Lost when they met the 'others?'”
~The Office